The Council of Fate Vs Lana Lang
by Mysterious Prophetess
Summary: Lana Bash Fest. Lana Lang is put on trial by a Council of Fate ala Zod's trial Superman the movie. R&R, flames are for campfires , constructive criticism welcome. Don't read if you're a Clana fan or a Lana fan.
1. Chapter 1

MP: I HATE LANA LANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AUGH!!!!! JUST WHEN I THINK SHE WAS GONE FOR GOOD THEY DRAG HER BACK!!!! AUGHK! LANA DRAMA GERRR! IT ALMOST STOPPED WATCHING SMALLVILLE BECAUSE OF THAT!

So here's an idea I came up with before they dangled the chance they'd finally decided to get rid of Lana Lang for good in front of me.

ONE SHOT- Extreme Lana Bashing. Do not read if you are a Clana fan or actually like the character of Lana Lang. You have been warned. Written during 'Power'. I really hate Lana now.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Smallville or any of the Superman characters.

The Council of Fate Vs. Lana Lang

Lana Lang, the ever so perfect, perky, pretty, and smart could not understand it. She was about to go on her merry way worming her way back into Clark's heart while simultaneously stomping on Lois Lane whenever a bright light surrounded her and she suddenly appeared in the middle of a dark room with the only light being around her. There was also a floating spinning circle around her too.

"Lana Lang! You have been dragged before the Council of Fate. Do you know why you have been brought here?" asked a woman's voice. Lana turned to see another pillar of light and in it was a diminutive figure wearing a cloak.

"No, what is all this? Is this Lex trying to kidnap me to get at Clark?" Lana asked.

"Puh-lease! Like you're the only creature in the universe someone like Lex Luthor would use to get at Kal-El AKA Clark Kent someday AKA Superman, which Lois Lane will coin upon finally seeing a picture of Clark, someday, in a tight blue spandex costume complete with a symbol of his birth family's house and a red cape." said the woman, well girl, Lana thought taking in the diminutive form, sarcastically. "Guess again, Wannabe-Barbie."

"Why me? I'm not guilty of any thing!" said Lana.

"Guess again, cupcake!" said the girl. "There's this little thing in your universe called a 'continuity.' It doesn't exist in my world because my world is constantly in motion. Yours however is guided by guidelines set forth by the continuity. Now take a wild guess as to why you're here."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!" said Lana.

"You, Miss Lang are guilty of polluting the Continuity of the Superman Sub-Universe of Smallville with your over reaching drama, extended and rather taxing presence, and the flouting of the romance between Lois and Clark." said the girl.

"The what?" asked Lana.

"Role film!" yelled the girl.

She saw several different shots of Clark(?) in tights saving the day and Lois Lane. And she saw Lois and Clark getting married twice, and other acts that made her raise her eyebrows in confusion. Even a Lex with hair proposing to Lois Lane.

"What you saw were shots from the collective Universe of Superman. Clark Kent, will always fall in love with Lois Lane. Your pollution might throw that all to the winds." said the girl in the cloak. "Plus you annoy me to no end."

"That's not a crime." said Lana.

"Well tanking Smallville's ratings with your never ending drama, and the fact after a point you became the exact definition of a Mary Sue are both crimes. Mary Sue gets along with everyone, even bad guys fall in love with Mary Sue. You are a Cannon Sue which is worse meaning the well paid writers of the show created you and use you to torture us, the general public." said the girl. "Then they had to go and give you super powers!"

"Members of the Council of Fate How do you rule on the Cannon Sue, the sub-species of the equally heinous Mary Sue, Lana Lang? On the charges of being a Mary Sue, and wrecking the Continuity?" asked the girl.

"Guilty!"

"Guilty!"

"Guilty!"

"Guilty!"

"And my vote of Guilty!" said the girl. "You will be banished to the Mary Sue rehabilitation clinic and hopefully we'll never see you again!" A glass pane shaped like pentagram flew in and it had many other perfect and pretty girls in it pounding on the glass, many of them wearing blue spandex. It hit Lana and she vanished.

"Oops." said the girl.

"What is it MP?" asked an ominous voice.

"Err, Hi Jor-El, thanks for letting us use this chamber but we accidentally sent another Mary Sue to the Phantom Zone. Sorry." she said rubbing a sleeve covered arm across the back of her hood covered head. She heard a sigh, then a slight chuckle.

"It looks like Zod will be getting more company."

THE END

MP: This is a vent fic and it is an attempt at comedy. If it's more vent than comedy then oh well. Flames are for marshmallows, constructive criticism is always welcome but this is a one shot bash fic and I may or may not fix it.

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MP: I saw some typos and fixed those up, in the rage I was in when I wrote this I forgot to edit this, so enjoy the typo free version.


	2. Tales from the Phantom Zone

MP: I don't own Smallville or Superman

This will be one of two companion one shots to my two one shots concerning the Mary Sue formerly known as Lana Lang.

**T****ales from the Phantom Zone**

Zod was hiding. Not from phantoms, not from the other more dangerous inmates. If only that were his problem, Zod would be able to plot his revenge upon Kal-el, the spawn of Jor-el, in peace. No his problem came in the form of a pack of… terrible creatures. Creatures that even scared the phantoms.

"Oh Zoddie Poo! Come back!" yelled a voice.

'Oh no, they're onto me!' he thought in panic. He, the most feared being on Earth for a few days, was running from a group of …women; beautiful, voluptuous women with strange powers that worked even in the phantom zone.

For a while he was able to escape them. Non and Ursa having been captured long hence by phantoms, so he couldn't even use them as living shields. He'd found a great hiding place near the hole in the Phantom Zone. Ok, more of a thin spot. He contemplated trying to escape but he knew the moment he did Kal-el would send him right back to the Phantom Zone. Though he'd love to strangle the spawn of Jor-el, he'd been able to observe from the thin place.

He witnessed a series of trials take place in a room he'd long thought destroyed. Each time ended with one more of those…women being sent there, the first time was probably an accident on the cloaked form's fault, but the rest of the time, he wasn't sure but it was as if the person wearing the cloak _knew_ how these creatures affected him. He couldn't be sure but it was almost uncanny. Then the cloak wearer, it might have been a female creature, sent _her_ to the Phantom Zone. That had been the final straw. _She_ had been a pretty little human his host had wanted to procreate with before he'd been re-banished to the Phantom Zone.

At first he thought he'd be able to torment the girl, but soon it was he who was tormented.

"Zod, I love you!" he heard her yell; _Her_ internment in the Phantom Zone and her subsequent exposure to the _others_ had made her the worst of that whole pack. She, unlike the others, had more than the strange powers they had. She had powers similar to that of a Kryptonian under a white sun. He was running but it was too late, the blonde in blue spandex with the Kryptonian symbol for '**Worthless**' on her chest in the form of a stylized 'M' with an 'S' through it, had sounded the alarm. She was coming.

"Zod! I thought you loved me!" she wined as she zipped up to him. Zod fell into a plot hole and landed in a large white space with the cloaked form typing away at a laptop floating in midair.

"What's going on here!" he demanded. The cloaked person looked up and he could see eyes in the hood, human Eyes. He then felt his white sun powers return. He zipped up to her only to be intercepted by a white blur. Zod's eyes widened.

"Jor-El!" he snarled. "You're supposed to be dead!" he yelled in anger.

"This place does not exist in the continuum so Jor-El is allowed to be here." said the cloaked form, the proximity and the lack of the filtration through the thin spot confirmed it was in fact a female. The eyes placed her as a human.

'This little human was able to send those creatures to the Phantom Zone?' Zod thought derisively.

"In this realm I hear every thought you think, Zod." said the female human. "And refer to me as MP not 'little human' or 'female human' or anything similar to those two titles."

"Why are you sending those creatures to the Phantom Zone!" demanded Zod.

"Because it ticks you off." said MP, "Initially it was an accident, but after the fifth one, I did it on purpose. Lana, well she _was_ an accident, but not one I really regret."

"Why, human!" yelled Zod.

"You hurt my favorite superhero!" said MP.

"Favorite what?" asked Zod.

"In her universe we are merely fictional characters and Kal-El is what is called a 'superhero.' So she likes the 'comic book character' known as Superman. So Superman is Kal-El and her favorite superhero." said Jor-El.

"Only a foolish tittering girl would ever like something along those lines." Zod sneered, "It probably lacks any real substance." MP crossed her arms and growled. Zod looked to MP and before he could move she had pulled out a small stick thing. What was it, a pencil?

MP scribbled in the air and a stream of human symbols streamed around him and he found himself in the clutches of Lana Lang.

"NOOOO!!!!!!!" he screamed clawing at Lana's arms as she cuddled him. MP was standing behind him and just said,

"Revenge is sweet, Zod, and I happen to have a large sweet tooth."

**THE END**

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R&R: Flames are for virutal bonfires, constructive criticism is welcome.  
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